journal

Clothing terminology that should strike fear into the hearts of women

1. Shrug.
2. Bolero.
3. Armwarmers.
4. Peplum.

Really. Regarding the first two, if you don’t have an emaciated frame or aren’t freakishly tall, if you’re wearing a shrug or a bolero, the clothes underneath had better be a solid colour from head to toe. Most of the time, if you’re wearing a top that’s a different colour than the bottom, you’ve got a horizontal line cutting you off at the waist or hip. You don’t need another horizontal line bisecting your torso.

The one exceptional exclusion is probably the evening/bridal dress scenario, but then of course it’s likely a solid colour.

Armwarmers do double duty. They fatten up your arms while leaving the rest of the torso disproportionately smaller, and if they’re constructed with a front or back band joining the sleeves, they also cut you off horizontally.

And peplums. Do you really need that stuff around your hips? Ever?

This was triggered by the most recent issue of some knitting magazine I’d never buy, which happened to include a peplum vest pattern. The peplum had some kind of popcorn-bobbly stitch on it. Just in case you didn’t think the peplum provided sufficient accentuation on its own.

7 Responses to “Clothing terminology that should strike fear into the hearts of women”

1. 1
   Steph said on April 15th, 2005 at 10:21 am

   I just googled peplum–it is scary.

   I’ll wear my black armwarmer with a black tank only from now on.

   What about the dreaded poncho?

2. 2
   j. said on April 15th, 2005 at 10:48 am

   I thought about adding ponchos, but then figured that I’ve actually seen successful ones. Generally speaking, they’re the lightweight and lacy ones. The rest of them, of course, can make you look like you’re swathed in a blanket, but in that case it doesn’t necessarily cut you off in unfortunate places–just makes you look like you think a blanket is high fashion.

   However, if the poncho (or capelet variation thereof) cuts you off above the waist, like the shrug or bolero, then it’s subject to the same solid-colour rules.

3. 3
   sylviatx said on April 18th, 2005 at 12:54 pm

   ummm, you left off “capelet”.

4. 4
   Patricia said on April 18th, 2005 at 5:14 pm

   Yes, capelets suck, too. I do like this poncho effect: http://img.slate.msn.com/media/74/041014_Poncho-Aniston.jpg - ironically, from an anti-poncho article. Lacy black, with black underneath. That’s about my limit.

5. 5
   elizabeth said on April 18th, 2005 at 8:09 pm

   In general I agree with you, but I think a short little jacket, bolero, what-have-you, can be flattering over a dark dress. To me, shrugs look like serving one’s boobs on a platter for male inspection.

6. 6
   Tiggersong said on April 19th, 2005 at 5:26 pm

   I like peplums, if they’re done well. A nice flare, over the place where I flare out… it can be quite attractive. The ruffly ones with bobbles and loads of extra fabric - those are awful.

   I’ll add a peplum, sometimes, to a short jacket; it adds hipshaping.

   Tigger

7. 7
   Suzanne said on April 29th, 2005 at 10:20 am

   It depends. Anything that makes my shoulders look larger is a good thing since the top of me is so much smaller than the bottom of me…. I tend to like stripey things that hit just below my hips. Evens out the butt/thigh factor. It was nice being an hourglass when I was younger. Now it sucks to be a pear.