Govern yourselves accordingly

Once upon a time — like, more than a year ago — Claudia said something that only a lawyer would think was a compliment (look for the phrase “corporate lawyer”). And I thought to myself, “self, I should write something to express my gratitude”.

So finally, I got around to finishing it, here [PDF].

It’s just a humdrum raglan pullover.

So sue me.

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25 Responses to Govern yourselves accordingly

  1. Sara in WI says:

    What’s so funny? Sounds perfectly necessary to me! ; )

  2. Lori says:

    In my prior life, I read/analyzed a gazillion license agreements. Yours is definitely the best! I was howling with laughter, and will in a moment forward it to an old colleague of mine, who also happens to be a knitter. What a hoot!

  3. Lee Ann says:

    Acts of Child might also be a useful addition. I’ve had to find a better hiding spot for my scissors. You don’t want to know why. Talk about Force Majeure…

    You’re seriously brilliant. This is definitely one for the bulletin board in my office.

  4. Jen says:

    Acts of Cat! This is absolutely, positively, utterly and without doubt the best pattern ever written. I love!
    :) Ha! Ha!

  5. j. says:

    Uploaded the fix to the X and Y thing, finally. d’oh.

    Steph: note that I didn’t specify punitive damages for breach of contract if the knitter chose a different yarn…

  6. Steph says:

    When did you start writing patterns for Alice Starmore?

    Craig says, you still have too much time on your hands…

    It was worth waiting for the PDF to load on this stupid dial up.

  7. Robin says:

    Haha, cute. Acts of Cat, indeed.

    I haven’t looked really carefully at the knitting instructions themselves, but I am wondering if definition (b) (‘”Instructions” means the contents of paragraphs X through Y,
    inclusive;’) is supposed to have actual numbers instead of X and Y?

  8. Marcy says:

    Having spent most of my adult life reading and writing in this style, I am of two minds about whether or not a legalesed knitting pattern is a good thing or an evil thing. Either way, though, it’s brilliant!

    Oh, but where are the spaces for the witnesses to sign? :D

  9. Kathleen says:

    Terrific!! Thank you.

  10. Laura says:

    This is great! Thanks for a good laugh and a great pattern. :)

  11. --Deb says:

    It’s possible the resulting sweater may be humdrum, but the pattern itself is pure gold. Thanks!

  12. Suzanne says:

    Oh, that was terrific. I really enjoyed it even if I have a wee headache now. Thanks for the pattern!

  13. Kathy says:

    That’s hysterical.

  14. Samina says:

    It’s a good that thing that you use all your powers for (mostly) good. I shudder to think what would happen if you moved to the Dark Side. Thanks for the chuckle.

  15. Kim says:

    You rock. It’s brilliant.

  16. JoVE says:

    Acts of Cat LOL

    I love it. But paragraph 3 would kill me every time. Probably why I’d make a horrible lawyer (corporate or otherwise).

  17. mamacate says:

    I know I’ve said it before, but I love you.

    And I’m changing my cat’s name to Force Majure.

  18. j. says:

    Arguably caught by paragraph 22, but I think when I get a chance I’ll work that in.

  19. j. says:

    Dammit! I knew I forgot something.

  20. Brenda says:

    What, no Boyfriend Sweater Curse clause?

  21. J Strizzy says:

    Excellent drafting, particularly the inclusion of “Acts of Cat.” Looks airtight to me.

  22. May says:

    Jenna: By far the best Pattern I’ve ever read!

  23. Deanna says:

    Brilliant! Every pattern needs a paragraph 22.

  24. rani23 says:

    HAHA. That’s fantastic!!! :)

  25. kimbelina says:

    That’s fabulous — I love the way it’s written. Thanks for sharing!